Oh. Hello there!
Yes, still alive and not barely breathing—breathing like what normally healthy people with healthy lungs do. I actually never thought I’d be writing here (or even anywhere) again, but I guess that’s how sadness makes us… Give us an idea of quitting anything.
I’m a proud bee, knowing where I am standing now. Never thought I’d reach this point—like moving forward and not just stuck to where dark & twisty become isolated. I can’t say certain things and people have been forgotten (okay, talking about the previous breakup) but it’s reaching the “edge of glory” as I stepped into Kubler-Ross’s final stage of griefing (DABDA), A for “Acceptance”.
In respect for the other side of the story, I’ll maintain myself as discreet as possible on how things ended up.
I am beyond grateful for what have happened comes with a series of blessings. :)
Blue and Green :)
As a floater, I have the cons of being pulled out in any area where “toxicity” is most likely to happen. I am the Little Miss Pull Out Nurse of Blue and Green Team. At first, it made me feel burnout at the end of the day. But it’s a perfect diversion from you-know-what. The pros? I get to have two teams. Lots of night outs to attend to :)
Goodbye 15 lbs!
We have different coping mechanisms with sadness, some gain weight, some lose them. I lost fifteen lbs. Yes. Ohh, in one month. -_- That means I got my old clothes back!
Friends with Benefits.
Not THAT benefits. From what happened, I learned the true ones that will stick up with me, mope and let me eat mango ice cream. When I told them, my friends went straight to our home bringing all the comfort foods I love and Mickey Mouse stuffs. Oh, plus having them as alcohol buddies. Guilty!
Family.
My mom was the first to know. I sent her a text that afternoon. After that, I tried not to speak with her for one day thinking it will break her and shed of tears will come out of my tear ducts. Then the next day, I told my sisters and started crying. FYI, I don’t cry easily before all of these happened. And when I get to know what really broke the relationship apart, I rushed into my Dad’s room and broke out. He’s in shock, not knowing what to do with me since he has always seen me very strong. I was weak, like I lost everything. The next day, Dad brought along lots of chocolates to my room as he gave me some of his “Boy-problem advices.” My mom was with me all through out. She was a fan of this 5/6-yr old relationship and it is such pain as I see her disappointed whenever she see me crying. After 15 days of crying in the morning and evening, I decided to stop with the misery and hurting my family. All they want me to do is move on, be better and to forgive&forget. I feel so blessed, all the more as I write this.
God.
“If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.” 2 Corinthians 11:30
The best thing that has happened to me is that I felt closer to Him, more and more. :)
And better things, better people will come along. :)
(Source: the-triple-double)
What Are You Doing New Years Eve? by Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (by hellogiggles)
The one thing that I am holding on to is that God has a better plan for me.
Who cares if you have the kind of “The One Who Got Away” experience? Only you can. Who cares if you’re one of them, who can sing that song, sung by Katy Perry?
Who cares?
Most of us, girls in particular, whine. Cry like a baby. Eat ice cream, chocolates or anything sweets that would make our pants not fit. Food that would later on reach subcutaneous fats, perfect sites for insulin shots. DABDA, the stages will pass. But who cares?
Well, some cares. But still, who cares if they care when we let The ONE got away?
The thing is, there are a lot of things to look forward to when this happens.
You get the chance to find the different kind of happiness. You get someone better and that is always the rule. No matter what happenes, the rule is: “Better ones will come.”
Then you are free. Free from the anxiety, frustrations. Imagine letting someone stay who doesn’t want to be in the place you want him/her to be? Isn’t that tiring?
Then, realizing you made someone like him/her, that ideal/dream guy, fall in love with you. Kissed you. Hugged you. Treat you as his/her own. Some may treat it as a trophy, but hey? It’s the one who got away! It’s like, “I was loved, I don’t care if it’s delusional but I don’t care what my shrink will say… I made him feel that way!” It’s a big deal! This kind of realization happens when you’re about to accept what happened. That the one got away, for real.
Then, you became happy. If you didn’t commit suicide and didn’t give up on yourself, trust me, you will be happy. Happier than with the one who got away. I know it is sooo hard at first, but when you reach that point… Worth it. Every tear will be worth it.
You’ll find yourself happy when he/she got a job that *pays, when he/she got a new car or had his/her own house, or a promotion. When you’ll find yourself happy that the two of you are already friends and unblocked on facebook, tumblr or following each other on twitter. And most of all, when you hear the news that he/she found a perfect one for him/her. The kind that wouldn’t irritate you because he/she is perfect with the one that you let go away. And that everything fell into their right places that leaves you in a peace of mind.
The thing is, The one who got away isn’t supposed to be the one. We’re making it more dramatic to make it sound… Dramatic. Maybe, we’re out of nouns that would make it sound nice so we settled with, “The One” but believe me when I say this, The ONE is the one that will choose to stay and wait. He/she won’t really go away.
Thank you for making me write my previous post. Though I won’t drink and walk on the that road again, I still find your work so awesome.
Till next time.
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe the reason why I bought BDJ 2012 Planner is because of the influence of alcohol. I won’t tell what product it is that made me that drunk, but I’m surprised as well. It has been a long time since I had an alcoholic drink but never have I imagined it will reach this point. I never got drunk before, vomit-free since I first tasted alcohol. I can drink 3-4 bottles of beers before soI had the right to be THIS surprised.
Every two weeks, I meet *Gee for our usual routine. Eat and Drink. Not that ordinary drink, my friends. Alcoholic drinks. But some things came and we lost two weeks that made us lose one month of not having our old routine.
Then….
Awhile ago, we had it. Eat out, drink and the most important of all, talk about things we have the courage to talk about. It’s not that we don’t trust each other, but sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough courage to share the things that I’m being frustrated on. It was one night of having the chance of doing that.
But I went to fast. As we eat our very version of “pulutan”, I gulp the hard drink tooooo fassst. TOO FAST. I don’t know and I am not sure of the thing that I’m about to say but, the theory of drinking too fast will make you more drunk. I think it worked on me. Maybe you think it’s all in my crazy mind, but I think that’s why I am writing this post. I noticed that my bottle got emptied and I got concerned with the personal stuffs about my life that I was sharing effortlessly. I went to the powder room and went to pee. I also have this theory that it will lessen the level of your drunkenness for a little while. Emphasis on the word, “little.” Sooo, I took a deep breath and wanted coffee.
Still drunk and I told *Gee, with her bottle still will a little ounce of hard drink, that we should go to Starbucks. I don’t know what made us do so, that time, I think it’s still early. Anyway, we billed out and went out. We walked and we’re supposed to ride a jeepney. Because of the tipsy-ness, we walked too much not realizing we passed the jeeps on the way to SM to have our coffee. Good thing it’s just a few walks away, so we decided to just move our feet to be caffeinated.
That’s what I think, few walks away. Again, I have this theory that in the influence of alcohol, you won’t get tired. Imagine walking from ****** to SM Clark, that would make me have an asthma attack but it DIDN’T! I didn’t feel tired! I am thankful that nothing bad happened to us on our way to Starbucks at SM Clark. I am still aware that we chose the safe road but still, we got there safe. I can’t remember it vividly, I can’t even remember how we got in to the mall. I just remember that I had Toffee Nut. And that I used my sister’s name when I ordered (My ordering time will be wasted if I’ll say my real nickname, spelling it and correcting how the waiter/waitress will pronounce it.) Ooh! And that I shared too much info again until my sister called and that we have to go home.
Then we went out from Starbucks, still with Coffee Frappe. I told *Gee that I have to buy something at Fully Booked. Guess what?
I told her to buy BDJ 2012 Planner.
I admire the planner but with my 2011 planner, you’d never imagine myself ordering a BDJ. My current planner is made with wit, as well as creativity. But moreso, it’s kind of minimalistic. When I saw BDJ 2012 Planner when it was first released, I thought it was really cute but I was looking for some minimalism. Maybe I love my old one too much or it was really my preference.
But I went in at the store and purchased it. It’s not even the spring binded one (I don’t how they call it, I am still tipsy) but the one, of course (duh?), without spring.
I like it. I really do. I opened it when I got home and I did. I just can’t believe that the reason behind why I purchased a mainstream, lovely but a little bit expensive planner is because I got drunk.
And here I go, at this state. Typing THIS. I pray that I’d still be vomit-free since 2004 tomorrow morning.
I think my frequent writings here has proven the existence of unemployment in my present life. They usually ask me where exactly do I want to work and practice my skills in nursing and I just answer them this, “Anywhere, basta may backer kami ni Itay. Hihihi.” Anyway, I’ll get there soon. I’m not in a rush but I’m also excited to start jumping ahead towards this sweat-induced and stress-induced job.
But that’s not my real story here. :)
Jools told me they got a new scanner months ago and one thing popped into my mind. Old Photos! I was really cute when I was a baby but as I grow old… I became more and more beautiful. –_- … *crickets* … And so, I asked him to scan some of our vintage photos including my grandparents’ old shots. :)
And remembering my elementary days also reminds me of malnourished kids where they only cared about are cartoons, shock bang, jackstones etc.
See? Unlike now, all I talk and tweet about is food. Good thing I still know how to run and jog every morning. Plus, being naturally sexy runs in our blood. –_-
P.S. It is 84 days before Christmas! Yai!
Reasons why I’ve been MIA:
2. Baking these babies
Somewhere only few know.
Have you ever had this feeling when you envision yourself in the next 5-10 years? That kind of feeling when you are sure it will happen, that will happen, you will happen?
I’ve always had this feeling and I’m all out being positive about it.
And when it comes, I’m going to sing, “Good Life” of OneRepublic.
I planned to get some sleep with my mom and sister, plus Popoy (dog) but the bed is just too small for us everything seems not working fine.
I heard a bad news about tax fees from Customs to get my item and yes, everything seems not working fine.
I got up and went to my room. As usual, with the rituals of having a TV and Dvd player turned on, I lay in bed and decided to rant every anger inside of me here. But other than those, nothing’s gonna change the fact that everything seems not working fine.
I read the first three paragraphs of this post and realized how wrong I was. It’s an exaggeration to say that “everything” seems not working fine. Just some recent happenings are just bad but not all. To think, I’m just having few problems and yet, here I am, STILL ranting.
This sucks. I suck.
Goodbye, I will return with the positive me—not THIS.
